Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
