I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
