don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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