let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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