Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Couch. On fire.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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