I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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