all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
