I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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