did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need moral support for this bender
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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