I swear she didn't look like that last week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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