White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
