My room smells like vodka and shame
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
