Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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