i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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