How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
