There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
