thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
