weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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