hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize