you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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