just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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