she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
