i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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