bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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