if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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