Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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