when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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