Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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