YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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