mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
