Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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