Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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