Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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