i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
