my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
