My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
