Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
