Pants 0. Shit 1.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
