Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
