I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
