Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
operation have a gay friend backfired
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
