he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
