I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
