Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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