I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize