I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
