shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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