mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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