"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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