do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
