Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
