using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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