I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
