okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sorry about my life...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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