I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
