he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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