i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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