im drinking this country out of the recession.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
