need another drink. this is the easiest way
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
