He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
