uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
