We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
