I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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