I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
