we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
