those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
