I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
