Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
