What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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