Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Randomize
