I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
