i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
