ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So much rum. So many feels.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
