I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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