Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize