I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
