You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
