He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
